Shabby Baby

don't call me

don’t call me…

As a fellow baby-faced North Indian, who has also tried his darndest to gain an edgy persona and put on a few years of gravitas by experimenting with every known permutation of facial hair, I can relate to Abhishek Bachchan’s pain.

My own ‘chinstrap‘ (although it is sometimes a ‘donegal‘ and often even a ‘garibaldi‘) gives me a bluffmaster license to cruise around looking like a badass South Indian star, but it also gets me into hairy situations at every airport immigration point (two words: cavity search), whips up deep suspicion at every parent teacher meeting and produces tangled guilt at every wedding anniversary – when the long forgotten issue of my undesirable stubble seems to magically revive itself.

It’s also a lot more work then you might imagine. To look like an untidy bum, you actually need to trim almost daily, master the art of symmetry, figure out the arcane numbering system of electric shaver attachments, become ambidextrous (the shavers only work well when applied with same-sided hand strokes) and be able to frequently explain away accidental and highly embarrassing facial bald spots (‘No, it isn’t rabies, I really did get attacked by a crazed panther in Borivili. Honest.’)



There is also the zero-sum argument that the hair growing on your face saps away vital nutrients from the hair on your head – a theory on which I am keeping a close eye (the intricate experiment involves a complicated time lapse camera set-up and many hours spent suspiciously alone in the bathroom).

If there ever was a poster child for my puppy-faced predicament, it is the self-same son of one of our most manly men.

We’re getting used to seeing Baby B in various avatars, and not simply because he is a fine character actor. Instead, his beard has changed – in length and intent – almost every week. I suspect that, although he seems to have no issues in the hair-on-the-head department, his thick mane produces another problem – that of competing furiously with his beard. And, judging by the many ‘looks’ we’ve seen on him in just one long-running advertising campaign for idea mobile (featured below),  I can tell that the hair-there-everywhere star probably keeps an entire fraternity of second guessing brand managers, film stylists and continuity folks wide awake at night.

Too much hair and beard and you could end up looking like the village rapist


Too little and you just look like a photoshop accident


Some mistakes you get away with


And some will live to haunt you forever


The question to our readers – what could the marketing folks at !dea possibly come up with to accommodate the latest look



One comment

  1. zaiu

    brilliant…i’d love to know the results of your little lapse-camera-bathroom-hours experiment…would save me a lot of time..

    as for Baby-B’s latest look, i think he looks like an alien bug that’s stuck its face into a bowl of charcoal crumbs…

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